The Search For Answers Yields Little Results

I should have posted before now, but we really don’t have any answers and I just didn’t feel like it.

It’s been another crazy week, although not as crazy as last week, thankfully. We saw our regular vet on Thursday and she did x-rays of Magnus’ back and tested for Lyme disease. The x-rays showed his hips look good, which is a relief. Most of his spine looked good, except there was a slight luxation in the SI joint. Basically that just means his back is out a little and that could be from the fall he took. She did cold laser, massage and adjusted his back. She is so gentle I felt quite confident with her handling Magnus.

The Lyme test finally came back yesterday. It was negative. I know that’s a good thing, but it leaves us not knowing what’s causing the low pressure in his eyes. We see the vet again today, but on the phone she said when they’ve ruled out all the obvious things that cause Uveitis they call it an immune mediated response and treat for the symptoms. That just sounds like doctor speak for “We don’t know what’s causing it, but hopefully if we treat it, it will go away and not come back.” Which would be fine if it really goes away and stays away. They treat it with Predizone and I’ll have more info on that after we see the vet today.

I guess I’m discouraged. The eye drops they’re giving him help, but when they wear off his eyes get bad again. They’re better than they were so that’s the good part, but I wish they knew what was causing this. I don’t like to give my dogs steroids, especially with the heart problems I know they’ll end up eventually.

His back seems better, but that’s been the pattern for months now. It gets bad, we go to the vet and spend twelventy million dollars on diagnostics that only diagnose what he doesn’t have and it clears up. Until it gets bad again. I was almost hopeful he did have Lyme Disease, at least that would be an answer we could treat.

Meanwhile the no activity limits are killing us. It’s impossible to keep him down. Last night I left the kitchen chair out just a little bit, but that little bit was enough for him to get on the kitchen table. Thank goodness I caught him before he jumped off. I’ve always said the world is this little punks’ playground, limiting his activity is always challenging.

So there it is. I suppose I should also add the perspective that I have a cold and have had two days of limited activity myself so perhaps this case of the blahs has as much to do with ME not feeling good as it does with him not feeling good. It’s ironic since I do think he’s feeling much better, but we haven’t done anything fun in way too long and two days off work just isn’t my style.

On a Maizey note, she’s been a fascinating study in managing her own anxiety through all this. There were several times I caught her in a pretty high level of anxiety and she was laying on the bed instead of coming to me and asking for help, or acting it out with cat chasing and barking. She’s been extra needy of Mehusbandy, which I think is a really interesting turn of events. Dogs are so insightful. I’m really happy she’s doing well, I don’t think I could handle them both being down at the same time.

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2 Year Blogiversary

Another year of blogging has come and gone as February 26 marked my two year blogiversary.

Time is such a fluid thing. The older I get the faster it screams by me. The busier I get the harder it gets to pay attention to it’s passing. I try to quantify it by measuring X many months since THIS or THAT happened. But it still doesn’t seem concrete in my head.

This last year of blogging has had some real up and downs, as every year does. Which highlights another aspect of time passing- each year is a different set of events repeating the same pattern. In my Real Life there have been some major changes that I never thought I’d see and that pattern holds true in my Dog Life too.

If you told me last February I’d be a professional dog trainer I would never have believed you. Even writing professional today doesn’t seem true. I just don’t tend to think of my self in those terms. I’m a learner and even in my teaching roles in life I never feel qualified to claim a title of “Knower” since I consider my life a continual process of learning. Plus, the more I learn the more I realize I don’t know. Since I find not knowing quite aversive my 4legged lesson from last February is still true, “. . .let your pups teach you all they can as fast as you can learn. You never know what they are preparing you for.” I certainly could never have predicted my pups were preparing me to take training into a career!

It wasn’t all lessons and learning, when I look back I’m reminded of some silly moments too. This post about snip and snails and puppy dog tails reminded while some things have changes greatly some remain the same. Magnus is still bringing me disgusting things, but none as gross as the dead mouse he brought in a couple months ago!

Looking back there are some things I wrote that surprised me. Last March I wrote, “I’d say I use 85%, maybe even 90%, positive methods. . .” I can’t think why I wrote that at the time, I would say now I am 100% positive reinforcement trainer. I think it reflects one area I’ve grown greatly in the last year. I have a much better understanding of learning theory and the 4 quadrants of positive reinforcement training. I also value that understanding more since I really feel like understanding how negative reinforcement, negative punishment and positive punishment work helps build a more comprehensive training plan. Interestingly understanding the other quadrants has only driven me to find solutions in positive reinforcement even more. I’m proud to say I really have become a “serene trainer” as I set out to in that post.

I really love looking back through the months. It reminds me of things I learned and forgot. This post about Maizey taking Petite Pal’s class really shows that. It’s weird that a year ago she was in classes at all. I would never put her through that now. And though the post is full of lessons and things we learned in class, what it’s most full of is how much I love her. I guess it looks like we’ve lost ground since then, but in reality we’ve gained ground since our relationship has grown to where I’m much more confident in letting her be her.

I’m really glad I have the blog to remind me what we’ve done. It puts things in perspective. Especially things that are easy to get emotional about like Maizey’s progress. It also reminds me of things we trained that I didn’t really take anywhere, but learned from the journey. All in all it was a crazy year and I’m glad I have a record of it.

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Training Treat Hangover

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The Stroller Experimentation

The stroller experimentation continues. . .

Every once in a while you see your training pay off and so far this whole stroller thing seems to be that moment for Maizey and I. So far. I’m reserving total judgment until there’s more data, but I’m happy with what I’m seeing.

We’ve taken two good real walks with the stroller so far. Both times I saw just the reaction I thought I’d see at this point. Yesterday we headed out and as soon as I set up the stroller she hopped in. Good sign number one. I zipped the bonnet closed so I didn’t have to worry about her bailing out and she settled right in. She asked to get out a couple times and walked quite a bit, but when she started getting stressed and asked to be picked up I just offered her to get back in the stroller and she happily did that.

Today we walked farther than we have in weeks. She didn’t walk as much as yesterday since I was working with Magnus on how to walk on a nice loose leash next to the stroller. I want him to walk on the right so that’s a change as his default is my left side. He did wonderfully. He’s such an easy going boy and makes my life easy.

I’m very happy that she’s getting out and about with much lower stress in general. She has choices and she seems to sense that. There was so much less whining and barking. Her body language in general is more settled, slower, not as frantic. It’s like a little portable chill out spot that lets her decompress on the go. Her reaction after the walk is better too. Normally we’d have a while of pretty hyper zoomies after we got home, but both days she asked for her stroller to be set up as soon as we got in the house and then hopped in and took a nap.

I’m so relieved to have hope that she can get out more and have it not be so hard on both of us. The other day someone asked me what was stressful to her on a walk. I said, “Everything.” They said, “But what are her triggers?” I just laughed and said, “oh, the air.” Ha Ha Ha. People really don’t understand what it’s like to have a dog that isn’t just reactive, but has Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It’s called generalized, because the triggers start in the brain chemistry and the anxiety is caused by everything or nothing in the environment. So to have a safe space we can take anywhere is hugely relieving to both of us.

Did you see this post at Rollin’ With Rubi? It struck such a chord with me. In it she talks about how a trainer finally looked at her dog and saw the truth. He’s a dog full of fear and brave enough to work through it. She expresses how relieved she was to have someone finally see what she sees in her dog. Well, that was my take home message anyways. It’s a message I can well relate to. People look at Maizey and they see a “happy” “squirmy” “wiggling” little dog. They don’t know that’s not her normal self. That’s her out in the world anxious self and it doesn’t look that bad. It doesn’t look like a disorder.

In Home Depot the other day she was like that and when I picked her up she wanted to crawl into my face for reassurance. The lady I was chatting with said, “Oh she’s such a lover, what a snuggle bug.” Sure, except that’s not what’s making her do that. I’ve always said it would be easier to have a broken leg than an anxiety disorder. People don’t understand what they can’t see or haven’t experienced. If she had a bandage on people would get when I say you can’t pet her she’s sick.

I guess I didn’t even know that rant was in me today, but there it is. I guess that part matters to me because I’m really happy to have someplace that she can go to for safety. I’ve lost a bit of hope that she’ll ever live without fear and anxiety. I promise I’ll keep trying to find that for her, but in the mean time what I am able to do is provide whatever safety and reassurance I can. Isn’t that the best any of us can do for each other? We can’t fix it all, but we can sit in the space the other is in and keep them company. Acceptance and reassurance are the most we can offer sometimes. Giving Maizey a safe space to get out and enjoy the world in is the best I can do right now. I guess that’s today’s 4legged lesson: sit with each other in the space that you can’t change, even if that space is a doggy stroller.

Whew! I sure need to lighten up around her lately! Check back tomorrow for a rant free, silly Wordless Wednesday. Even I can’t make that serious!

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